Love Per Email
by Katzenaugen
Summary: It started as a simple online friendship. Though will Cloud really ever meet her, face to face and hug her like he had always imagined it to be? [Clotif]
1. Prologue

Well since my last Clotif story was quiet a success I will try another one. My recent project is just a little too hard to continue at the moment. Let's see wheter you'll like this.

Note: This fic is mainly from Cloud's POV unless stated otherwise.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------

**Love Per Email**

**Prologue**

Since ever my father died in a horrible car accident, my mother decided to move back into her hometown in Australia – far away from any civilization, in the middle of nowhere. But I liked it here a lot, to be back in the town where I grew up, even if had just been for a year. You know the people around you closely and there isn't always this noise surrounding you.

Mum had left all her friends behind when she married Dad and moved further up North.

Now we were back here and we enjoyed life. Though things were quiet hard still, considering my dad had only died like two years ago, mum had a new job in a takw-away-restaurant.

And of all these many things that had changed, one thing didn't – my mother's overprotection. Since ever she believed I had hit the sensitive age of puberty, she was weirder than ever. She wouldn't let me go out with friends she didn't know and she wanted me to be a good student with only A's and B's. But I managed to change her views on both of these matters. Now that we were back in the smoky environment my mother wanted to flee from when she had found out she was pregnant with me, her attitude had changed once again. She was like a teen again, though I am the teen in this house. Having turned 17 just two weeks ago, I was able to take responsibility. And it's good I can. As often as my mother would throw me out into the cold reality, just to get me back into Mother's Home, she had finally dropped the overprotection.

Randomly friends of hers would sleep over at our place. This house felt like a Hotel already. While mum had gotten away from this bad environment and had grown into an elegant woman, being 38 years of age, her friends were dragging her back into what she used to be like. People say that as you age you change and you can never be like a teen again without embarassing yourself, my mother managed quiet well to be one again much to my dismay. But she could be the grown up I was looking up to still when needed to. Like when her friend Lindsay had seriously attempted to sleep with me. Drug-addict – is what you would most likely read in her life-report. And even though mum would trust in me, she did also take into consideration that I would have been stupid enough to agree to her friend's stupid suggestion. Yet another problem I had with my mum, she wouldn't fully trust me.

Either mum's friends were now drug addicted or smoking like mad. And some would just drink a lot of alcohol. Some stumbeled into our house drunken already, some came here just to get themselves drunken. There was one room in this house that smelt just like a pub, the room where they slept in. But mum valued her friends. "As bad as they might be, they are my friends." I often heard her say. Might be right. I wouldn't know, I was never a person to make friends easily. Moving here might give me a new chance to find new friends. In our old hometown they were all pretty much snobs. We fought hard for our money, while they were lucky enough to have a lot of money to begin with. I wasn't popular, I was just the quiet guy sitting in the corner hoping for the school to end soon. I was introverted so to say. Hence why when roaming through the mail, one of these advertisements caught my attention. "Children of the World."

Usually my mother would throw away anything that wore a slogan like this. She always believed that it was just another one of these organizations that wanted you to donate money for kids in poor countries, yet this money would never reach them. I couldn't argue her point, she was right, but that's not what this organization was about. There was a list of email adresses from all over the world, people you could contact. Something like an organization to make online friends. Having no friends at all, I fancied that option. My self-confidence wasn't the highest and I didn't quiet like my looks or anything about me, so I welcomed this anonymity a lot.

Roaming through this huge list, I copied those that were actually english-talking people. I had no knowledge in any other language, so there were a few countries I could write onto that list. Having always had some interest in England, or Great Britain as they call it, I searched through this fairly huge list. And eventually I came across a name that appealed to me – Tifa Lockheart. I liked the sound of this name and I did write her an email.

It didn't take more than a day for her to reply. Since ever then these three words got my most favourite. "You Have Mail."

Mum was actually happy I would spend time in my room – though I was sure she had always wondered what I was up to – she felt like I was safe. Her friend Mary had once again slept over at our place again. She was here for one week already. Mum believes her husband beat her up, though I believe she ran into something drunken as she was when she knocked onto our door. But Mary kept my mother busy enough so she wouldn't inquire about my private life. This online friendship was meant to be a secret for as long as possible.

I had told her all these things. And she trusted me in return. Maybe not as much as me, but she believed that her life was just boring while mine interested her a lot. She was wrong, but yeah, try to tell that a woman. I figured it was impossible.

Checking emails every morning and afternoon and whenever I had access to a computer had gotten my routine. A routine I loved.

------

Well, that's just the prologue. I hope you like it. Next chapter might come soon, playing three years later. ;)


	2. Broken Hope

**Broken Hope**

_Chapter 1_

Three years had passed since ever I started to get into contact with Tifa. I still had the photo she sent me hidden in my drawer. Thought according to her this picture was taken many years ago, I imagined her to still be looking like this, just more like a woman now. Long black, silky hair.

Though I had a hard time hiding this friendship from my mother, it wasn't all that hard in the end.

These three years of contact made us quiet close friends. I was a grown up now and I had promised her if we don't lose contact I would come and visit her. Only problem would be my mother. I could imagine that she's afraid that after leaving I wouldn't return.

It had been two weeks now since I last answered her email and I actually felt nervous. I was used to receive news earlier. She played a major part in my life. She was the only woman I had ever really been interested in, even though I never met her personally, but I knew that her personality was great. She often appeared in my dreams, and as much as I felt ashamed of these dreams, they felt good. I had always been afraid that she would be sacred if she knew, so I never really dared to mention. I would just mention those that were nice and would sure be liked by a woman.

So today I had turned 20. And I promised myself that I would tell my mum about her on this very important day. And I would tell her about my plan to visit her. I had her adress, I had the money, I just needed to go and finally face the woman I longed for. Altough in the back of my head I always reminded myself that this meeting might eventually disappoint me, I was determined and I would not give up the plan I had for so long.

I left my room and headed for the kitchen. As I stood in the doorframe I watched the woman that had raised me the past 20 years. And even though I felt a little bad for leaving her like this for a woman I had met online, I would go either way. There was nothing holding me here. Not my mothers stupid friends still sleeping over here, not this dirty small house, not the friends I never had. Just my mother. But I could not stay at her side forever. I wouldn't be gone forever, just for short. Out there on my own, starting my own life.

"Mum." I tried getting her attention. She wiped her hands clean on a towel and turned around, smiling.

"What's the matter hunny?" She asked me, still smiling. As she closed her eyes I saw wrinkes around her eyes. You are getting old woman.

"I want to go abroad for a little. Not long."

"Oh?" Her smile had faded away. She reached for a chair and sat down, folding her arms in front of her. "Where to?"

"England." My mother's eyes widened. "England?" she repeated.

"Yes."

"What are you planning to do there?" She asked me curiously and gestured for me to take a seat. Now this could take longer. I hadn't quiet thought of a plan on what I was doing there. Telling her I was meeting a woman I didn't even know personally was like shoveling my own grave.

"I was recommended to take a job abroad there. I would get some money for us. They pay good there." Though I had never heard that from a friend – it's not like I had a friend to start with – I read something about good chances of getting work there. Language wasn't a problem, but getting a job sure would be.

"You can earn money here too." Mother retorted quiet sternly.

"But I would like to see other countries too for once. I wont stay away for long."

"And how do you plan to go there? We haven't got the money." she told me and stood up again as though the conversation had ended and she had won. But she hadn't.

"I have enough money."

"Hah, where from?" She gibed and reached for another dirty plate to begin washing.

"I saved it."

"You never worked. Where should the money come from?"

"I worked at school for an hour or two."

I twitched as metal hit metal. My mother had dropped a spoon into the sink.

"You lied to me." She hissed and started cleaning a plate frantically.

"Well." I began but had no idea how to escape this situation. "I am a grown man now Mum, I promise I will return with more money for us."

A sigh escaped her lips as she put the plate away. "I guess that's an argument I cannot beat. Ok then, go, but promise to write letters, ok?"

"Of course mum." I got to my feet and hugged her from behind.

---

Just a week later I had booked a flight and had my suitcases packed. And soon my feet touched british ground. I enjoyed the feeling of being in a different country, but the more to be soon seeing her.

Soon I had gotten all the brochures and maps I needed to find my way in this big country. With each day of travelling closer to my destination my heart beat got faster. Until the very day that I was standing right in front of the gates of the building that was the center of the organization that gave me a chance of getting to know Tifa. I rang the bell. I had expected a neat little house and maybe a fence, not something like this. A fence taller than ordinary walls, a big iron gate and ivy everywhere.

"Hello. What do you need?" I heard a voice coming from a loudspeaker.

"I came here because I am looking for somebody. I was told to come here."

"What's the name?" I rolled my eyes at his question. This guy just wouldn't let me in, hm?

"Tifa Lockheart." I told him and waited patiently for a response.

"Alright, and what is your name?"

"Cloud Strife."

"Alright, come in." I heard a male voice on the other side. I was agitated. Though I felt so alone and so small in this fairly huge country, knowing that I would get to know her personally after all this waiting, made me feel stronger. I pushed the gates open.

---

I had the adress and headed there as fast as possible.With every passing kilometer my heart beated faster. But this heartbeat was to stop soon. As I got out of the taxi, I found myself in front of a small house with red bricks. As I rang the bell I noticed it wasn't even working. No light burning inside, nothing. I frowned and sat down on the pavement, watching the cars go by. "Had to come this way." I sighed.

"Yo, young man, what's bringing you here?" I heard somebody behind me. He sounded as though he had smoked quiet a lot already. I didn't like his voice.

"I was supposed to meet a friend here, seems as though she moved away." I retorted as I got to my feet.

"Ah, young Tifa Lockheart, eh? Yes yes, she moved away not too long ago. There was nothing holding her here anyways. Good girl she was." He nodded.

"Know where she moved to?"

"Nah man, she wasn't one to tell the whole world about her plans. I guess she didn't have a lot of friends either, or else she wouldn't have gone. It's a neat house, interested?" The tall, yet a little chubby man, wearing a straw-hat pointed at the house where I had thought to find Tifa.

"No thanks, mother's waiting at home." I retorted wearily, blinking against the sun.

"Ah? Still living with your mum?" he gibed and chuckeled.

"Yeah. Nevermind. Thanks for the information. Good Bye."

"Hey Hey there. Come on, lte's get in for some coffee. You look as though you travelled far, you don't quiet have the british accent. Let's sit together and talk a bit, I might be of help."

Actually I had felt bad enough already, having travelled this far and being stuck in Great Britain's weather that wasn't becoming me well I would have loved to get back home into my apartement and sleep. But seeing that this man might be of help, I agreed. "Ok, thank you."

He led me inside into his house. What I had expected to be some sort of hat was actually a cat, a really fury cat. But I soon came to realize that there was not only one cat, but many. "You seem to like cats, don't you?"

"Of course." he laughed. "Cats are my life. Since ever my lovely Amanda died." He reached for a frame and pointed at a pretty woman – as pretty an old woman could be – standing next to him.

"What's your name by the way?" I asked curiously.

"Jack. Jack Winters."

"Ok, Mr. Winters."

"Just call me Jack." he smiled and gestured for me to sit down. "So where do you know Tifa from? From what I remember this girl barely went out or ever had friends over at her place."

"I met her via an online orga-"

"Ah. I got it. Knew it had to be this thing. You know." he paused and took a sip from his coffee."You are the first one to ever come here."

"I see." I hadn't expected that.

---

As I sat back in the plane I reflected onto Jack's words. She had never told me she was alone. But the more I thought about it, I remember that she told me about having a mother and a father. Was she lying? Did they recently die, which caused her to move away? But if so, then Jack would have known.

I had so much on my mind that the trip back home passed by faster than ever. Soon I was standing back in my hometown, back in the dirty streets. Back in front of the same dark red door with barely any colour on anymore. I smelled smoke. Saw a shoe lying in the floor. The same old scene. I knew that shoe belonged to mum's friend Sarah. She was the only god damn woman on earth I knew who could walk with shoes that were as high as that.

I opened the door and heard the familiar creak again. "Never thought I'd miss this goddamn place." I whispered as I inhaled the cold smoke that lingered here.

I stumbeled into the living room as I saw my mother sitting in the armchair, facing the window. I saw smoke. "You should really quit smoking."

"And you should quit messing in my life. It's mine, and I screwed it up myself." I heard her saying quiet drunken.

"You drank again, didn't you?"

"No. I just had some water." she retorted.

"Yes, Vodka that looked like water. And might have tasted like water to you already. Stupid old woman." I had never called her stupid, I had always been afraid to. But I didn't care anymore, my day had been bad enough and mother sure wasn't in the state anymore to slap me. Besides, she might have forgotten tomorrow already.

"You look sick m'boy. Were you sick? I told you to wear more clothes. You never listen. Just because I am your mother and scold you from time to time doesn't mean I don't love you or want to make your life harder as it is. God, will youth ever understand that." I listened to her rant as I heaved her up from the armchair. Wrapping her arm around me I gently pushed her into her room's direction.

"I visited the doctor today. I was afraid to open the letter." she told me as I gently placed her down onto her bed. Bending down to put off her shoes and socks I looked up to her. She smiled.

"It's ok mum."

"Will you read it for me?" she continued speaking drunkenly.

I gently pushed her shoulders into the pillow. "Yes I will. Sleep now."

"I love you Cloud." Her hand tried to fond my cheek but missed. I took her hand into mind and held it. "I love you too mum. Good night."

"Good night, my darling, good night. Tell your Dad I love him too."

Dad. He had died so long ago, yet mum never seemed to forget him. Last time I had to see her this drunk she kept calling for him, believing he was in the garage again, working. She kept calling, telling him how much she loves it when he comes back inside, smelling so manly from all the sweat. She kept talking to him for so long, even when I believed she must have been sober already, she kept talking. About the honey moon, the marriage and me. I stared onto the desk in the kitchen. There was it, the letter she was talking about. With all this smoking and drinking, what was there to await me? Nothing good. And I picked up the letter and ripped it open. How much more could one lose a day. I came back without any money, I didn't even stay long enough to even find a job. How could I ever get ahold of Tifa again? "You were probably the only thing that kept me going with this miserable life." I whispered as I drew the picture of her out of my pocket. I carried it with me since ever I had left for England.

--------

I hope this chapter wasn't all too confusing, but I wrote it in pieces. Part of it before vacation, part after. Soon, it will be more about Cloud and Tifa. ;) No worries.


	3. Moving On

**Moving On**

_Chapter 2_

Lunger Cancer I read. Didn't surprise me all that much. I believe she knew already too. I put the opened letter onto the desk, tomorrow she would see it. I headed for my room to sleep. Welcoming the soft creaking of my bed and the smell in my room I fell asleep.

---

As I stumbeled into the kitchen I saw that the letter wasn't there anymore. She must have read it. Glancing at her from the corner of my eyes, I reached for the cereals. She didn't look any different than normal. She was good at wearing masks after all.

"How are you feeling?" I asked, but she didn't reply. A few minutes later, after I had taken my seat she finally replied. "I am ok."

As we had both sat down, I saw that she hadn't applied any make up. I had never seen her like this. Usually she would never go out without any make-up. Even if she was loyal to my father, she wanted to be pretty and wanted men to look at her. 'My everlasting beauty.' Dad had always called her. I often asked myself what Dad found so pretty about mum, but now as I grew older I finally understood that it wasn't all about the facial beauty he had been talking about. Too bad I never had the chance to let him know.

A Month passed and I felt that the atmosphere in the house had gotten more depressing than ever. Or maybe it was just for mum's friend's absence that it felt so empty here. No firty woman hanging ut here and causing a huge mess. I missed the smell of smoke.

Sometimes when I would come home from work at the little grocery store she was sitting in the kitchen. Her pack of cigaretters lying in front of her. She would stare at it until I spoke to her. And even then she wouldn't raise her head. "How can they sell something so addictive and killing?"

"World's cruel, I always told you." I would chuckle and she would laugh again. When I was a teen I had often told her that the world was just cruel. Yes it was if I think back, world indeed was cruel to me, and it was still, but I had learned to be happy about every little thing. And she laughed, mum laughed. Sometimes for a minute, sometimes for an hour. Just about anything I had ever done and said. Though I had always wondered if she only loved me when she was drunk, since I never ever heard her saying it when she was sober, I knew it was wrong to think this way. After all, I wouldn't tell her that I love her either just out of the blue. I smiled at her and held her hand. "Bring me to my room please." And I did. I had completely forgotten about Tifa. I had so much caring for my mother to do that there was no time to think about her. And as guilty as I felt, I knew she would understand. I was still determined to find her, but where was I to look?

I brought my mother to bed and took a seat. I had fallen asleep in my sitting position, hands crossed in front of me as I suddenly felt a warm hand touching my cheek. "Robert." I heard my mother whisper. "Robert, wake up. You shouldn't work so much." Dad's not here anymore, mother.

I opened my eyes and blinked at my mother. Seeing her this close I noticed how much older she looked since ever the diagnosis. Her eyes half-open and filled with tears. "Robert." she whispered again.

I didn't tell her it was actually her son she was talking to, I knew it made her happy to believe it was her beloved husband sitting here. I stood up and brought her back to bed. "Go sleep. Sleep now." I gently pushed her back into her pillow again. Pressing a kiss onto her forehead I watched her closing her eyes again.

---

Each passing month she got more and more confused. And on December the 5th she took her last breath. It was dark at night as I heard a noise. I wandered into my mother's room. I had always been prepared for this. To find her dead some day. Now I was soon 21. She had always been a fighter, but every fight has as end.

I shut her eyes and put a blanket over her fragile, now so slim body. Calling the doctor I informed him. As I raised my head I noticed that the cupboard's door was open. It was located right above the bed. Weak as she was it surprised me she had actually reached up there. I took a look and found a few letters. They were old, dirty and good 30 years old - _Love letters_.

I heaved my mum back onto the bed and put her into a sleeping position and took a seat at the bed's edge. I knew she wanted to read them again, knowing she would soon part from this world just as dad. 'One day, you will find somebody you'll love just as much as I love your dad' I recalled her words. I opened the first letter. A pink envelope. I chuckeled. Dad hated pink, mum loved it.

And I read them, each letter. I had never known my dad could write like this. And deep inside I wished I would once have a person to tell the same. And I knew who I wanted this person to be. Words filled with feelings like his. Glancing at my mother for one last time I fetched my jacket. I would go again, and I would find her. "Good Bye Mum. I promise I will come back and visit your grave. I promise."

I hadn't fully unpacked my suitcase yet, knowing I would leave again sooner or later.

I didn't lock the door. Whoever would fint it ok to steal should just go ahead, there was nothing valuable inside. Memories aren't objects after all.

I walked across our meadow one last time. Most of the grass was dead already. If Tifa only knew in what kind of house I was living in. Oh boy.

And even though the years had passed she never really left my mind. She had become my goal. A goal I was hoping to move closer to. One last time I checked the mail. And yes there was even a letter inside.

_Dear Cloud,_

_Old Jack Winters got in touch with me again telling me a handsome young man wanted to see me. I couldn't help but giggle. In all my concern about you and life I had completely forgotten that I was about to move and gave you my old address. I am sorry. I hope you receive this letter early enough. You might aswell also have given up searching for me. There's a little card inside the envelope where my address is stated. I'd still like to see you. If you still feel like coming._

_Sorry once again._

_Yours Tifa_

I read the address. Yes that was quiet far away from her last address. My heart jumped in joy a little, I would finally get to see her. The time I was travelling was not for nothing. I would still get to see this angelic face.

---

The flight hadn't been all that bad. Soon I would have reached my destination again. I would go to England again. How far could she have moved away? I had various maps with me. Maps of trains and the subway. I had all organized it well, taking into consideration the flight was taking a couple of hours. The scene of finally seeing her changed a little every time I thought about it. What would her house be like? Would be as neatly arranged as her old? Or might she even be living in an apartment?

Hours had passed quickly. With the last bit of money I had I made my way to her house. I was aware I would soon have to look out for a job as I was running out of money. I had left a nice sum with my mum so if any of my (hopefully still living relatives) decided to search the house for valuable belongings would at least find something. My mum had sold all her rings and necklaces my dad once gave to her in order to keep us alive. With summerjobs I contributed a little, but it was just about enough. The amount I had saved without my mother knowing, I had already wasted on my first trip.

---

I was very tired as I had finally exited the last bus to take me to her. It was dark and the gloomy lights, still gave the streets a rather nice look. Back at home it was far more dangerous and there was far less light. Oh how often my mother had worried I'd get raped. Hah, yes as if. I was not the neighbours daughter that would run away with a miniskirt at night in streets that had as good as no light. But I had accepted my mothers worries back then. After all she was worried sick always anyways.

After another good half hour of walking by foot I finally came to a halt in front of a huge building. It was green with lots of little white windows. I guess it's their style.

I was not a single house but many little apartments. Finally.

I would finally get to see the woman I had yearned for so many years. My heart started racing, my hands sweated. I was happy. A feeling almost new to me.

I searched for the name tag 'Lockheart' and immediately found it, as it was the only long last name on there at all. They all had typical short names, like Huber. I rang the doorbell and waited for the buzzing that implied the door was open. And indeed, a minute after it buzzed and I stepped inside.

My footsteps echoed from the cold stone walls as I walked onto the marble floor tiles. Right in front of me was an old wooden straircase. Each step creaked. Actually I felt happy the noise of the strairs were this loud. I feared my heartbeat could be heard. As I had finally reached doornumber 36, I felt close to passing out. I was tired, I was hungry and finally seeing the woman of my dreams would just give me the rest.

I heard footsteps coming closer. My heart raced, my mind was empty, my eyes wide open.

"Yes?" I heard a male's voice as the door opened. Male? Hell, she wouldn't have such a deep voice. No, HE was male. A man, mid twenties, dirty blonde hair and a bit of a goatbeard had opened the door. I wished, no I prayed it was just her cousin. I dropped my suitcase next to me feet. "Is Tifa home?" I stammered. My eyes wouldn't close. A man, inside her apartment. What are you blaming me for, god?

----------

Don't ask me what made me update again. As I looked through all my old stories, searching what was worth to be deleted as nobody reads anyways, I came across this story again and decided I needed to update again. :) I hope it's worth the long wait.


	4. Slapped

**Slapped**

_Chapter 3_

So I stood there – dumbfounded. I felt slapped across the face. This was not her apartment, right? Yes, must be it. She moved out and the didn't replace her name yet. I am just at the wrong door. As I was about to run around and leave again, I heard a female voice. "Cloud?"

My heart sank as deep as possible. What an angelic voice. "Yes, it must be you. I remember you from the picture." I turned around. Wonderful shiny hair, waist length. Face of an angel. And a man besides her. Why?

"Oh so you do live here." My voice was trembling a little. My knees felt weak. Oh please, continue to carry me. "Of course." She giggled. "Please, come inside." I hesitated but followed. She was living in a neat little apartment, furnished with old stuff. I felt like entering a grandmother's house. "You got it nice here." I said and swallowed. Something was building up inside my throat. I still didn't get over the shock. Who is he? Who?! "And you are?" I turned around to face the man. He had dirty blond hair, standing off into any direction. He hadn't shaved for some days I noticed. He was wearing glasses as well. Pretty smart looking and handsome I had to admit. Not that I would fancy men, but I would take him. Alright, that was odd. Get a grip of yourself. "I am Jason." He replied. Apparently I had either puckered up my face without noticing as my whole body felt numb, or my confused look gave it away. "I am Tifa's boyfriend." And there it hit. Slap number two. Was I doomed to never find happiness? By all means, I was a good son.

"Nice to meet you." I pressed through my lips. My stomach squirmed. I felt a little angry. At Tifa, actually. Though I knew there was no reason to. Time had moved on. Her feelings eventually vanished whilst mine remained. She was not to blame for actually wanting a boyfriend she could touch and kiss. Would something have changed had I found her earlier? Maybe she doesn't even like my looks. Even though my skin was nicer to look at than it had been some summers ago, but still, maybe I had not been her type after all. Maybe my body wouldn't have been muscular enough. Though that I could have changed. But maybe I was not attracting her. Though blonde hair, blue eyes is actually supposed to be driving girls crazy, she could be different.

I was so caught up in my own thoughts and chains of 'What if?' that I had overheard Jason talking. "Please, take a seat. Do you want anything?" he repeated firmly. His voice was all calm. God, he was so calm it would nearly freak me out. He was like one of those shrinks. Oh god. So calm and collected and babbling about life and living. Oh yes, I had been to one once as my mother had the weird impression I was introverted. I mean, yes, I was a little. But she portrayed it like I was shutting myself away completely, sitting in one corner of the room and talking shit. I was normal other than a little introverted. I took a seat at long last and asked for some tea. I fought the urge of beating Jason up. Why? I don't know. Sudden anger or whatever. Why not analyze it for me Mr. Shrink? Alright, I was unfair and acting immature. Maybe he was not that bad. Though I am sure I would come to like him better had he not been Tifa's boyfriend. "So what is your profession?" I asked. Come on, tell me you are a shrink. One reason more to hate you. If anything was worse than my mother's over protectiveness, it were shrinks. Really, they were just there to poke around in your life and come up with weird theories.

"I am working for a Marketing company." He told me. Ok, sounds good. Bet you earn a lot of money for Tifa. Might she even be working?

"Yes, he has made it quiet far there already." She told me as she placed down the tea before me. I was so busy with hating this guy and hating shrinks that I really forgot about Tifa. "Thank You." I said hastily before looking at the handsome, smart man in front of me again. He was sitting there all cool and collected. No smile, nothing. Was he dooming me too at the moment?

I took a sip. Upon seeing that Tifa was touching Jason's hand, I slipped and drank a little too much of the still boiling tea. Burning my tongue, I even felt a little that I had deserved it. I was, by all means, not acting like an adult. More like a teenager being all jealous. Now I did indeed feel a little guilty.

"So, do you want to stay over the night here?" Tifa asked me, smiling. What a wonderful smile.

"Yes." I retorted without thinking properly. I was going to sleep in some room whilst Tifa and her boyfriend were sleeping somewhere else. A hotel might have been a better idea, but here we go. I am already in the room I am supposed to sleep in. It's actually not that small. Neat little wooden bed to my right, a nightstand next to it, a desk further at the back of the room close to the window and to my right a little closet probably made out of the same wood as the bed and the desk. "Thank you." I say and wait for them to leave. "Good Night." Jason told me and I could swear I nearly stuck my tongue out. It was still aching, a constant reminder of her hand touching his. Oh boy, I hadn't even thought about it. Would they make out once they were alone, even though I was lying next door? Would strange noises wake me up in the middle of the night? I stripped my clothes off and placed them on the chair. I felt like sleeping in boxers only.

Tossing around in my actually comfortable bed, I felt alarmed. My mind was wide awake. Every little noise forced another image onto my mind. I had often imagined that I was the one to sleep with her, as odd as this sounds. I was teenager, alright. I had imagined kissing her soft lips. Now all that I associated that with was his beard scratching her chin open when they were kissing.

---

The next morning I woke up quiet unrelaxed. I shivered in bed. Slowly I made my way to the chair where I had dumped my clothes. I dressed again and left the room. The smell of breakfast met my nose. Lovely. I walked into the kitchen, and whom did I find? Jason. Now he was not only Mr. Shrink but Mr. Cook too. What about Mr. Perfect too? The feeling of hunger suddenly vanished. I would only eat whatever he cooks to make Tifa happy. "Good Morning." Tifa cheered and pushed me into a chair's direction. I got to sit right next to He served the food. Oddly enough, it looked professional. Are you a bartender too? I bit my tongue and refrained from asking. Let's stay nice.

Slowly I cut the toast in parts and tasted the scrambled eggs – perfect. From the corner of my eyes I watched him eat. He was cutting everything neatly. God Tifa, do you really like a guy as perfect as him? I choked on the toast and quickly took a sip of water. I suppose I should be leaving again. Let her life her happy life and I will return to my shattered. Fairytale gone bad.

---

I heard Jason washing the dishes. "Hey, you smoking?" Tifa asked me. A little stunned she had asked me, I turned around to face her angelic face once again. Actually I had quit when I was 18. Didn't want to end up like my mother. I smoked without her knowing. Thanks god, she would have ripped me apart. But why say no now? What was there to lose? I nodded. "Yeah." I caught a glimpse at the pack and noticed it was just the sort I used to smoke. I took one. "Let's get outside onto the balcony." I followed. Finally I had her to myself for a while, without Mr. Perfect being around.

It was warm outside. "Never knew you smoked." I tried to start a conversation. "Yes." She giggled. "I picked it up about a year ago. Been out a lot with my friends and I guess it just happened." So you aren't with Jason longer than a year?

"Happens." I smile at her. Quickly I looked away, feeling my cheeks flush red. Oh boy. I heard Tifa sighing. "What's the matter." I asked, looking at her again. This time I didn't care. She was gazing off into the distance. "I don't know. Things feel weird." Weird? Hey, _I_ feel weird.

"What's the matter?" I asked, hoping she would thaw up towards me, just like she did in all these letters she sent me. "You know, I am actually happy you are here." Ok, there it happened. I dropped my cigarette. Pretending to have already smoked it up, I stepped on it extinguishing it.

"I am glad to hear that." I smiled and my heart raced like never before. I believe I never wore my heart out this much. First the nearly-heart attack now the heart-racing. "Things aren't as good anymore between me and Jason. He complained I was talking too much about a 'mere friend I never met and just know by writing' he had called it. I just felt happy having a friend I like a lot. Of course I love Jason too, but it's starting to turn platonic it seems." Tifa swallowed. I felt dizzy. My grip tightened around the handrail. Is God not blaming me for something after all?


	5. Out in the Rain

**Out in the rain**

_Chapter 4_

I lingered outside inhaling the cool air some more. She had made my day. I knew, my mother would have hated me had she known I'd intend to claim Tifa as my own even though she had a boyfriend. But I didn't believe it was of any importance. After all, things weren't going as good. And I had made too many losses in my life to give in now. No. It was a now or never situation. And I wanted to win.

I stepped back inside. It was warm and the smell of food still lingered in the air. I rushed for my room. I didn't feel like facing Mr. Perfect at all.

I sat down on my bed and faced the wall for a while. I felt like a parasite. The change in my behaviour since ever I came here and the constant feeling as though somebody really wanted to stab me. I was sure he didn't like me either. It was just a matter of time until he'd poison my food. Was I getting paranoid? I wanted to go back into the living room again. I wanted to be around Tifa. I was afraid Jason would kiss her. It was ridiculous, they were a couple after all, but I felt as though I had her in my hands already partly. So I did get up again in the end and sat back in the living room along with – apparently – Mr.Biologist. My eyeballs nearly popped out as I saw them watching some documentation about bugs. Now who cares about bugs? I am sure I have killed thousands in my life - thousands I didn't care about. But I cared about this man and that not in a good way. So after all, I even watched a documentation that lasted incredible 3 hours. I swore I would never step on a bug again after that. I had my trouble keeping my eyes open, but I was still holding onto the possibility that Jason would go to bed and Tifa would stay for a little. And as though he had read my mind he stayed sitting for another 15 minutes. I am not sure when I had last cursed a human being like that.

And after another horrible 2 minutes of me nearly falling asleep and snoring soundly, he rose from his seat, kissed Tifa good night and even smiled at me. I wouldn't have liked to see my face at that very moment as I am sure I was looking just as stupid as I did the day I had met him. Something inside me had completely shut off. I was the human part. I had set my goal to find Tifa, now my goal was to get her. And I would use any trick to get her. Sounds crazy? Not if you feel the chemistry is there. And what if I back off now? What could I do? What new goal could I have? There was none.

"I am sorry if the situation is getting a little odd here with me. It seems Jason doesn't like me being here." I lied. I didn't feel sorry at all, and I was happy he was pissed off. Though I was not sure yet how that was supposed to help me.

Tifa giggled. "It's alright. I enjoy your company." _Yes_. "Hey Jason is at work tomorrow, what if I show you around a little. I am sure you need some clothes." That was right. "I'd like to." I said and shifted a little closer to her. I had wanted to sit as close as possible to the two, so I even sat on a pile of old newspapers. They really started to hurt my ass. But hey, it was the least I could do. I was sure he would not start kissing her or something like that if I was sitting right next to her. I felt my heart beat speeding up again - I would get to go out with Tifa a little. I smiled. "I am sure that's going to be fun."

"Oh yes." she smiled back. "I know some very good shops and really good restaurants that are quiet cheap." Could that count as a date? "Is everything ok? You looked a little sad before." I asked, hoping I would get out more of her. She looked away, thinking apparently.

"I have known Jason for long now, not as long as you of course." she added with a faint smile. "but long enough. There was just something there. But lately, it seems like all that matters is his work. I talked with him about it, but it seems as though he doesn't realize."

"And how is he justifying that?" I interjected. "He says he wants us to have a big house once and kids." she sighed. "I don't want to have kids." Ouch. Well I am sure we could still do something about that. I mean she just needs the right man, right?

"Ever thought about leaving him?" I asked. I would have liked to take that question back as Tifa suddenly gave me a look that implied something that was close to glaring. I had pushed too far.

"Honestly." she sighed deeply. "I have. Since ever you are here he starts caring again. Before, he had treated me like nothing." I really had not expected this. But I felt happy. No, overjoyed. I would have loved to hug her right away, but decided that it was not a good move yet.

"I am sorry."

"It's ok." she smiled at me, a single tear rolling down her cheek. I wiped it away. Suddenly something unexpected happened. She leant forwards and cuddled towards me, resting her head on my stomach. "But I never had the courage to." she sobbed. "I always hoped he would change, that this was just a phase every couple goes through." It felt like a dream. I finally had what I wanted, yet it didn't feel as great. Whatever had gone on inside me was now blown away. I was a bad person for what I was doing. All my thoughts. I mean yes he was a jerk by all means, but so was I. Now having Tifa cuddled close to me and sobbing wasn't such a great feeling anymore. for whatever reason. The human part had come back.

"Then go away. Come with me." I suggested and stroked her hair. Suddenly I felt something seizing my arm. Tifa was way too weak, there was strength behind it. Jason's strength. Within a mere second he had heaved me up and dragged me away. "You – better - go." He said loud, stressing each word. I had to admit I was afraid. There was this vein popping up close to his left temple that my mother had too. It implied something very bad. "Let him go!" Tifa interjected. "He did nothing bad."

"Nothing bad?!" Jason yelled. "He wants more than just be friends with you!" He was right about that though. "Go, pack your things. You are leaving, now!" he said a little calmer. I rushed past him and packed my stuff. Why stay here anyways? I was boiling inside. Wouldn't I have known that he could kill me in an instant, I would have fought him. But as angry as I was I felt good. Very good. Maybe she would really leave him. I was done packing and left the room. Tifa looked worried. In an instant Jason had shoved me outside and I was standing in the rain. Why did it have to rain so much here? My heart felt light but my feet felt heavy. I was tired and I had nowhere to go. For about an hour I wandered past houses. Watched people sitting in the streets, looking less happy than me. I was soaked and I was cold. But Tifa's movement towards me kept me carrying on. I just had to think about this moment and I felt as light as a feather. Weird what feelings can do to you, huh?

"Hey you! Young man!" I heard somebody shout. Wearily I turned around and saw an old woman with an umbrella hurrying after me. "Any problem lady?" I asked politely.

"Oh you can't be walking out there in the rain. You are completely soaked. Come inside, I'll make you something hot to drink." I was reluctant but agreed. I didn't quiet fancy wandering around for longer in the rain. "Thank you m'am. I'd like to."

---

"You look a little sad. Why were you out in that rain anyways? I was watching you, you didn't quiet look like you really knew where your house is." she said while serving some tea. "Thank you." I nodded approvingly. "Yes indeed, I don't live here. I was just visiting a friend, but." I hesitated. Was it good to tell a stranger what had just happened? "I had to leave suddenly. So I was left out there."

"Oh poor you." she said giving me a comforting look. Suddenly she burst out laughing. Old, horrible laughing. It reminded me too much of my mother's laugh. The smoke had ruined her voice. "Oh sorry. I just imagined you getting thrown out of some apartment because you flirted with the girlfriend." She continued laughing, nearly staining the couch with tea. "Oh I am sorry, really. It's just, you are handsome you have to admit."

I smiled weakly. It would have been quiet wrong to say yes now. I took a sip of the tea and said "Yes, that sure is some funny imagination."

As we were done with drinking tea and I finally felt warmer I was wondering where to stay. This house was huge, no doubt, but it had something spooky. Somebody desperately needed to clean here. "Well then, I will show you the room you can stay in. You better dry your clothes there. I will see whether I can find anything for you to wear."

I followed her up into the first floor. Every wall was loaded with pictures. Mostly her or some man that I guessed to her husband. Possibly some kids too as I saw a few pictures with a young male and female. They obviously had the father's crooked nose.

"Here." she said pointing at a door to my left. "I hope you like it."

I stepped inside and it smelled funny. That room sure hadn't been used in 10 years. It took me a while to get used to this smell. I put my wet clothes off and hung them over the chair. I opened one of the closets but it was empty. The same old smell coming from the rest of the furniture. The bed was queen sized. The pillows were neatly arranged. Even that it was some sort of old pink didn't disturb me. It fit to the old lady. But as soon as I had gotten used to this atmosphere there was still the question what to do. I couldn't just call her or go back, besides I didn't even have Tifa's cell phone number I suddenly remembered. Would she come and search for me? But the country was too big to find me anyways. Would I happen to see her again by chance? Maybe I would just have to look for the places she mentioned before I had been thrown out. I sat down on the bed. It was so soft. Wouldn't it be great to share this bed? It was way too big for a single person. I lied down and stared at the ceiling. Everything in this house was so detailed. I felt like being stuck in a story. The lover – that's how I would like to see me by now – gets thrown out by the husband or in my case boyfriend and ends up with some lonely lady. Will they ever find back to each other and live happily ever after?

I smiled at this thought. Like a dream. I still held onto the possibility that I would see her again. But I feared that this meeting would just result in her telling me that she would not leave him as for her he is the love of her life. Would that be the point where I'd jump off the next bridge?

--------

Sorry to have kept you waiting for so long. But as said in one of my other recently updated stories, I was really busy. I do hope this chapter was worth the wait. And thanks for all those reviews. You guys are great! Keep them coming.


	6. Bruises

**Bruises**

_Chapter 5_

Apparently I had fallen asleep. When I came to again it was already light outside. For some longer I lay there in my bed. Everything felt numb. The only thing working hard was my mind. Why couldn't there be anything that was upsetting me about you? Why didn't you have any flaws? Why couldn't I have been mistaken in thinking you were such a wonderful person and just go home again? I had to meet you again. My heart would ache and bleed until I finally did. I had a goal, yet this goal was hard to achieve. What if you let me down and never leave him? Would I be doomed to wander around like an empty shell until the next truck hits me? I'd rather jump off a building. I've often been told that his is exactly how you feel when your heart is broken or at least close to. I thought that it was all overrated. That the word love itself was overrated. It was now that I realized what it truly was like.

Slowly I sat up and got out of bed. Can't be lying here all day, can I?

I shuffled my feet downstairs. I didn't even know where the kitchen was. But all I had to do was follow the smell after all.

"Good Morning." I greeted her. She smiled at me which made her face only seem more wrinkled than ever. "Would you like some toast and tea?" she asked me. "Yes place."

I sat down at the big table. Everything was so huge and made out of wood. As she served me my food, I was surprised she even had silver plates. I refrained from pointing out that she must be rich as it seemed rude to me. I ate, thanked her when I was done and stepped outside into the cool air.

I was back in the busy streets again where I had yesterday still wandered around. Yesterday seemed so far away already. What was I doing out here? Did I really think I could find her? I sighed deeply and stretched. Well, let's go then. Let's see what this country has to offer.

---

It was warm outside. Just some wind every now and then, but I enjoyed it. I wandered down the busy streets. I had my hands in my pockets. Even though I was sure I had slept many hours, sleepiness crept on me. If I just thought back on where my life started and where I ended up now. It was worth two 300 pages books. I had finally reached the market Tifa had talked about. It was busy like hell there. Hard to recognize anyone's faces as they were all running around like mad. I wandered around and took a look at everything. People really sold every piece of shit here. Reminded me of that little events two times a year in my hometown, where people would dig up all of their useless shit and try to get rid of them by convincing poor souls to buy it. I shuddered.

"Ouch." I rubbed my head. "Oh I am s-." I said but cut myself off. "Tifa!" I exclaimed. "Shhhht." she calmed me. "He is here." I knew who he was. "Come over here." she said taking a look behind her. We stood a little more inside the big crowd, so no one would find us. "I am sorry." Tifa said pleading. "I really am."

Before she was able to go on talking I interjected. "It's alright. Don't worry. I am just happy to be able to see you again." She smiled at me. A happy smile, yet it had something sad about it too. "I can't. Cloud I can't."

"Can't what?" I asked, almost whispering. "I can't leave him." Tifa said, she looked desperate and worried. "I-" she looked away. Suddenly she looked at me again, alarmed. "Go, he's coming again. Please go. If he-"

"I know, I know." I assured her and reached for her hand to hold it. " Just- just let me give you my cell phone number." swiftly I scribbled it onto some paper I found in my jacket's pocket and pressed it into her hand, wrapping her fingers tightly around it. "Please, let me see you again." I sounded almost pleading like a dog for food. Her eyes wandered from my lips to my eyes, over and over again. Until she suddenly moved closer and gently kissed me on the lips. She tasted sweet, so sweet. "I am sorry, I can't leave him." she said once again and I saw tears forming in her eyes. "Go!" she pleaded once again and pushed me away.

I took a few steps away until I was sure she couldn't see me anymore but I could still see her. Jason was walking over to her again, wrapping her arm tightly around her as to make sure nobody would snatch her away. My heart ached a little as Jason kissed her cheek, but that couldn't kill my happiness right now either. She had my phone number, she could reach me now. I hope she will.

---

I was back at the old woman's house. "I'm back." I called. It made me chuckle. I didn't have anyone to say I am back to for a while. Shortly after, she came into the hall, her hands dirty from garden work. "Oh welcome back young man. You look happier than when you left." I put off my coat and threw it over a chair to my right. I was smiling. "I am indeed happy." I told Gabrielle. That was her name. She smiled back at me. "Oh youth, oh youth." she chuckled. It seemed as though she was happy to have someone to share this big house with. "Today, I met the love of my life again." I didn't mind filling her in. "But there is a problem." I said excited and yet angry. "She has a boyfriend and is afraid to leave him." I caught up with her as she walked back into the garden. She handed me some flowers to hold while she dug a small hole to put them in. I went on talking. "But at least she has my cell phone number now, so we can at least talk." I was still smiling broadly. A smile I didn't have in a while. All the grey clouds had left my world at the moment. The sun shone again brightly.

"I am glad to hear that young man." she said and I saw she was smiling. I handed her the flowers and cleaned my hands. "Do you need anything else?" I asked.

She got to her feet again and sighed. "Oh no, my dear. I like doing all this work, it keeps me fit and it keeps me busy. I believe you are busy enough with your own things." she smiled once again and poked my chest with her finger.

I went back inside. I still felt so overwhelmed with joy that everything seemed so much brighter. The fact I was stuck with an old lady I didn't know wasn't even bothering me anymore. I even wished for the first time mum would see this. Mum would see how far I had gotten without her help with all these dangers she had always tried to protect me from. I got this far on my own.

I reached inside my pocket and drew my cell phone. Dialling Tifa's number I waited for the peeping to be over and to hear her lovely voice. "Lockheart." she said. "Oh hello Tifa. I was just wondering what you'd think about going to the movies tomorrow. You can choose whatever you want to see."

"Uh…" I heard her thinking. "Sure." she finally agreed. "Great." I cheered. "Let's meet around 6 pm in the little café close to the cinema. Is that ok?"

"Perfect. Alright, see-" she was suddenly cut off. Staring at my cell phone for a moment I wondered why. Sure, it suddenly came to me, must have been out of battery. I didn't bother with it any further and put my cell phone away again. All day I was smiling more than ever. My heart felt light, like wings carrying it. I had never felt happiness like that before. Being happy had always been different to me.

---

I woke up around lunchtime my eyes still full of sleep. My hand automatically reached for my cell phone to read my time as I figured I had a call in absence. It was from Tifa. I tried calling her again, but she never answered. After the 3rd time I gave in and went for lunch.

It was nearing 5 pm and Tifa still hadn't called me back. I grew impatient. The happy feeling had been replaced by worry. Had she called to say she can't go? Or did she want to meet earlier and forgot her cell somewhere? Thousands of theories and every would fit in its awkward way.

I had been pacing around in the living room for at least 15 minutes as my cell finally rang. I nearly knocked over some funny looking nightstand as I sped up to the desk where I had placed it down. "Yes?" I panted. "Oh Tifa." I felt relieved."

"I am sorry Cloud. We can't meet today, I have an appointment. I totally forgot. I am so sorry."

My heart sank. "It's ok." I said placidly. "Nevermind. We can still do that some other time."

"Ok. Well I wont have a lot of time the coming weeks. We are painting some walls and stuff like that. Take care." And with these last words she hung up. I felt suddenly back into the cold. I shivered. I felt like something was missing, some goal, something to look forward to.

"Oh Cloud! Could you do me a favour?" the old lady called for me. I was like paralyzed, staring off into the distance, not moving a single foot, I didn't even blink. All I did was nodding my head. "Sure." I mumbled finally as I still hadn't heard her walking away.

---

Her words still spun inside my mind as I rushed to the little grocery store to get eggs and milk. I didn't notice my surroundings or the old man I nearly knocked over as I pulled into a parking lot. As I was inside the shop I couldn't even remember anymore whether I had locked the car. Since ever that call my day felt like ripped into bits and pieces – every now and then I would space out and see her face and wonder why.

I even felt like hallucinating as I saw a black-haired lady walking in front of me with her trolley. I shuffled my feet from here to there, my head hanging low. As I finally raised my head to reach for the milk my hand brushed against some young lady's. No it wasn't just some young lady. She had raven hair, long hair and this pale skin with these piercing eyes. "Tifa!" I exclaimed. She looked at me shocked and swiftly turned her head away. "Sorry, Sir. You've got to be mistaking me." She said before rushing away at a fast pace. I was sure, it was her. It had to be her. I ran past her and seized her arm. Finally I caught a better glimpse of her face. Yes it was the very same pretty face I had carved into my mind so good. But there was something wrong about that face. "Tifa, what happened?" I exclaimed as I saw that her eye was bruised. "I fell down the stairs earlier this morning. I called you back so late because I was seeing the doctor." she explained to me. Her playing around with the bracelet on her wrist, I noticed she felt uneasy talking about it. It was then that I noticed a bruise on her wrist too. "Is that true?" I asked stiffly. That call earlier made this situation more than suspicious. She had cut me off too fast. "It is." she replied, hissing almost. "If you'd excuse me now, the shop is closing in 5 minutes. I need to go. Goodbye."

Her words had been cold. I felt like walking on thin ice hoping not to fall into the cold and freezing water. That was not the Tifa I knew. Did she really tell me the truth? I pushed away the creeping thought. Did he beat her? I couldn't imagine him doing that. I recalled our conversation before I had been thrown out of her apartment. Could he?


	7. New Home

**New Home**

_Chapter 5_

I was back home sitting on the edge of my bed. Had he really beaten her? I was sure he had, but I couldn't just walk up and confront him with it. It wasn't like I was afraid, rather that I was unsure as to how to approach this situation. I mean I would look pretty dumbfounded if it really hadn't been him.

I reached into my pocket for my cell and dialled Tifa's number. It rang a few times and I had nearly pressed that little red button to hang up as she answered. "Hello."

"Hey Tifa. I-." I paused. I couldn't bother her with it again. "How are you doing? You didn't look so well when we last met."

"I am ok." she answered - too quickly for my taste.

"Honestly?" I pushed further. "Yes I am." she retorted, sounding a little pissed off. My heart sank. It felt like I didn't know that person, like she had switched minds with somebody over night. Where was the Tifa I cared so much for? The Tifa I loved? "Think we can meet sometime again?" I asked, knowing the answer already.

"Sorry, but I am busy. We are renovating. I don't think I will have much time the coming weeks or even months." She sounded almost as cold as before. Something made me think that her voice was a little shaky. I gave up. "Alright. Well then, talk to you soon again. _Take care_." I stressed my last words, hoping she would take the message. Yes, take care Tifa. I wanted to see her again for real, but I feared that everything was slipping right through my hands. I hung up. Ironically, this was exactly what I had wished for. The change in her personality that would make me stop feeling those feelings for her. But why didn't it work? Why did I still feel so attracted and why did my heart ache like that? I fell back onto my bed, sighing.

---

I had fallen asleep once again. It had gotten some bad habit of mine. But lately life strained me more than when my mother died. Suddenly everything felt so bad.

I shuffled my feet downstairs but didn't head for the kitchen but instead for the maindoor. I hadn't undressed, hadn't showered, but I would still walk outside with all these happy people on these crammed street. Nobody would mind anyways, right? I felt like this mass of people was carrying me somewhere. I was so lost in thoughts about the events lately. Wheter I should try and keep contact with her, wheter I should just stop it all and find myself another woman. And what if I didn't? Consider trying the other shore? Since ever I can remember my purpose in living had been Tifa. She had fulfilled my usually so bad life. She was all I ever wanted – but everything I could never reach. I shook my head. Enough thinking for today, it will only harm you! I told myself. And as I raised my head to look where I had ended up it was exactly where I wouldn't want to be at the moment. I was standing right in front of her apartment. Was that supposed to be some kind of omen? Or had I thought of her so much that my feet had carried me right here.

Didn't matter. It was a now or never situation. I took one last deep breath and opened the main door. She was located on the 3rd floor. I walked slowly. Step by step. No need to hurry right? On my way up there I kept thinking about what to say. I had finally reached her door. I hesitated. What was there actually to lose? I mean either I turn around and go and never see her again because she will marry Mr. Perfect, or knock and see whatever awaits me.

I knocked. Thousands of images flew through my mind until it finally came to a halt. All that remained on my mind was her pretty face. Somebody opened the door. It was Tifa.

"What the hell are you doing here?" she whispered, took a step closer and shut the door behind her.

"I had to see you. Tifa I know it's him!" I pleaded. She looked away and had indirectly given me the answer. My hand reached to touch hers. She twitched as I did so. "Please, let me help you."

"You can't…." she whispered, pleading to me almost. I saw her desperation. "I can try at least. I can see you aren't happy. Come with me, together-" Can we be happy? Could we have a future? What could I give her? There was nothing I could give her at all. Maybe she thought that I could guarantee her a better life, but in fact, I could only show her that my life wasn't as good as it once was. I felt like a stranger suddenly. Like a nobody. No family, no friends. Other than Tifa. Yes, I have you Tifa. And I would fight for all I had left. "It doesn't matter what happens to me, but it does matter to me what happens to you."

Gently I pushed her aside and opened the door. "Why did you beat her up?" I yelled. I was cautious, for he could jump out of some corner with a knife. "What makes you think I did?"

"I don't see your face any shocked about that accusation at all. That's what makes me think. I know you did it." I was convinced more than ever. What might have happened had I not gone here? Everything felt so right suddenly.

"So what are you going to do? Come and take her away?" he chuckled and I was sure he was feeling superior.

"Why not?" I hissed.

"Now if you run away and I call the police, don't you think they will try to find her? After all you have no family, no friends, no house, nothing. You even had to sell your old house not so long ago in order not to starve." he grinned at me. Why did he even know all that stuff about me? I am sure Tifa wouldn't have said a word. So did he do some research on me? The creepy feeling of having been followed for a while didn't leave my mind. I felt caught in an invisible cage. I didn't dare to turn around and see her face. Would she look disgusted? Sad?

I felt weak. I really couldn't expect her to come with me when everything she needs is here. It was only a matter of time until the old lady would throw me out too.

"But I can give her something you can't. And that's love." If you want me to, Tifa. If you want me to.

Slowly I turned around. The air felt frozen, like killing me in an instant if I moved too quickly. My heart beat faster and faster. "If you want me to, Tifa. It's your decision. Come with me or stay." I swallowed. I searched inside her eyes for an answer. She bit her lower lip. Chewing on it in a cute way. "I am sorry Cloud. I can't." she sobbed, rushing past me. So there I stood, dumbfounded as ever. The situation had taken such a nice turn at first and left me out in the rain once again. _Only fools rush in._

---

I had accepted my defeat. Sitting in the dimly lit living room with some whisky, I emptied my glass. I never fancied alcohol as it was part of what I believe to have killed my mother, but right now, I needed some. I wanted to feel the amber liquid burning down my throat. I heard that somebody – no, I knew who it had been – had used the toilet. Then it went all quiet again.

The silence was broken by something buzzing next to me. It was my cell phone. My hand hovered over it as I saw that Tifa was calling. Should I answer? Would she say sorry for what kind of a stupid situation she had left me in? Or would she tell me that she decided to stay with him and I should never step back into her life? My day couldn't get any worse so I answered. "Yes." I grunted almost, regretting it in an instant as it came to me that this was Tifa. My beloved Tifa.

"Cloud?" she sobbed into my ear. "Where are you?"

"Huh?" I rose from the couch, almost tripping over the table.

---

Covered in tears, with a cute red nose, she stood in the hall. "Tifa, why did you do this?" I felt like hugging her, jumping at her, squeezing her too tight. But I didn't. I stayed calm, ready for the next time she would hurt me to the bones.

"I ran away, because-" she sobbed. "because he is bad after all!"

"Shht!" I tried to calm her. "You might wake her." I handed her my handkerchief.

She cleaned her nose noisily.

"You know, when you stood there. I felt protected. I know you don't have much to give me. But as you said. " she smiled at me, showing some of her perfect white teeth. "You can give me something he can't. You can love me." she wiped some tears away but missed a single one that was now rolling down her cheek until it reached her chin. I raised my hand to wipe it away, resting my thumb on her cold chin. "And I want you to."

It was the kind of scene where I was supposed to lean closer and kiss her, but I was afraid she might not want that. But she said she wanted me to love her, so why not? My heart sped up once again as I tasted her lips, tasted the salt from her tears. "And I will." I whispered, cupping her face with my hands. "I promise I will."

---

I led her upstairs. "I don't know where the rest of the guestrooms are, if there even are any. So I'd like you to sleep in my bed and I'll sleep on the couch downstairs." I had already tuned around ready to leave as I felt thin arms wrapping around my waist. She pressed her face in between my shoulder blades. "He knew more about you than I did, I don't want to sleep alone." she mumbled. "Please, sleep next to me. Protect me from him. I am sure he will come. We aren't safe here anymore."

I smiled. "There's nothing I would love to do more than share a bed with you." I turned around and stroke her cheek brushing one single hair strand out of her face. "Come on, let's go get some sleep. The rest can wait until tomorrow. We will find a solution. At worst, we will be two lovers on the run forever." She smiled weakly. "We will always have each other."

------

Update! I hope you like it. It was a little hard to put my ideas down on paper that's why it had taken so long. Enjoy.


	8. On the Run

**On the Run**

_Chapter 6_

That large bed of mine had finally been filled. No more big space next to me, somebody was finally there and it was no other than the woman I loved.

I didn't know how to arrange myself in this bed. I wasn't sure whether it was appropriate to move closer to her or whether I should stay on my side and just sleep.

I wasn't done with thinking as I felt a cold hand that was searching for mine. She held it tight and moved a little closer. I wrapped my arm gentle around her, hoping not to break this fragile body. Once again the pictures of Mr. Perfect stroke me. I saw him lying here just like I was, wrapping myself around her. I felt hurt and my heart was aching for a moment, but it had gone as fast as it came. After all I had her now and I would make sure he would never ever get her. I tried to enjoy the moment bit by bit. Every passing second that was now _our_ history. A history we had together. It wasn't long until I fell asleep but it was the better when I woke up and she still lying next to me. I was facing her, studying her face and her body. She was so perfect. But where could I take her? Where would we be safe? Should we really go back to my old house? I lay there pondering for what seemed to me to be an hour.

---

We had eaten breakfast and I said good bye to the old lady. I didn't have much money to pay her with for the time she had taken me in, but I found something I had taken with me from my old home that I gave to her. It had been in our family forever and she had refused to take it, though I saw in her eyes that she really liked that hand made little clock. But I assured her that I no longer had any family and that we actually didn't care about things like that. Things that were passed on through generations, it didn't exist. And I was glad that she finally accepted it as a memory. I assured her that I would meet her one day and secretly I hoped it would be along with Tifa as my wife.

We fetched our things and made our way to the train station. It was going to be a long trip, but I was not alone. I would not return without somebody at my side. If you could only see me now, Mother. I finally found somebody to love forever. As we were travelling I wondered whether I should lead her to my parents' grave. I still felt a little ashamed to show her my house. But at least there was a place we could go to. I tilted my head and smiled at her. Apparently she was los tin thought as much as I had been. Did she regret her decision? Was she thinking about him? About our future?

---

After travelling for extremely long my feet stepped onto Australian ground. I took a deep breath and it indeed felt like home. I took Tifa's hand and said "Let's go. This is our new chapter. This is our life."

And she had looked a little shocked, as much as she tried to hide it. Was it because of what I said? Was she afraid she was bound to me forever? I couldn't find an answer and decided to ignore this feeling of insecurity. We had gotten so far despite all these problems, why turn back now? All I wanted was to move forward and surpass every obstacle. He wouldn't find us and if he did, we would flee again. We were lovers in the run. As long as there was love we didn't need money or wealth or anything. We wouldn't even need a house. Love would heal every wound.

---

I opened the creaking door to our house. The hidden key was still where I last put it. The carpet was breathing under my feet as I walked through the small entrance hall. "I am sorry." I apologized, "I haven't been in here for long."

She giggled, cute as ever. "Don't worry. It's better than nothing."

I led her around the house, trying to avoid every embarrassing picture of my youth. As we finally passed past a picture taken of me and my mother Tifa stopped. "Is that her? Is that your mother?"

"Yes, she is." I said and felt the atmosphere changing. Memories came back and I felt an old wound ripping slightly. I wanted her protection again, I wanted to be protected again. I wanted my mother back. "She was pretty." Tifa commented gazing at the picture still. I had stared onto ground for a while already. "Yeah, she was."

We had moved on and I showed her my parents room. "You can either use my room or we can both sleep here." I couldn't hide the sadness in my voice. My mother had taken her last breaths in this bed. I thought of these letters again. Would I ever have letters like that to hide in this cupboard, or would I and Tifa move somewhere else and I would burn down this house forever along with all its memories and the souls of my beloved parents?

I noticed a wide smile that had spread across Tifa's face. "What is it?" I asked.

"You know." she began. "I always wanted to have a room like that. I always wanted to live in an old house where you could basically feel the memories. Where nothing was new and every object had its own story. I love this house."

I wrapped my arms around her from behind. "It can be ours forever. Our as…" I hesitated. I didn't want to force myself upon her. I didn't end my sentence as I had wanted to. "as lovers."

I pressed a kiss onto her cheek and released from our hug. "Are you hungry? I Could cook something."

"No." she giggled. "Let me cook, please. You already did so much for me."   
I look into her sparkling eyes and got lost for a moment. I nodded. "Fine." I touched her hand one last time and watched her walk into the kitchen. I lingered in that room for some longer. I sat down on the bed. I glanced over my shoulder onto the side where my dead mother's body had been lying. Now nature had taken her back, she was buried at the cemetery that wasn't all that far away. I touched the bedcovers. They were cold. Soon life was going to be here again. Soon life was going to fill these cold dark walls. I could not wait for the next day, when I would finally awake here and I was not alone.

---

The smell of food lingered in the air. I was growing impatient and curious. Soon Tifa called "It's done!" and I hurried into the kitchen. She had arranged the table nicely. Velvet tablecloth, a candle lit in the middle and it smelled better than in my parent's room before. "I hope you like chicken and rice." I nodded. "Of course". She smiled at me, exposing her brilliant teeth. We ate and laughed. It was the best moment ever. All the sadness had gone. We weren't afraid, nobody could break our happiness and the luck we felt right now. It was only us. Us here forever. I volunteered to clean the dishes and she had agreed reluctantly. Apparently she felt bad to be living in my house and wanted to help. Gently I stroked her hair and assured her "I am the man after all." And I would be forever.

---

I had changed into something more comfortable and sat down next to her. "What's this?" I asked. "Some horror movie. Scared?" she giggled. "Not at all." I stood my man. Though I had always kind of disliked those kind of horror movies. All that supernatural stuff. It gave me the creeps. But I couldn't admit, right? So we watched it. "I hope you aren't going to be scared." I gibed and reached for her hand, wrapping my fingers around it. It was cold yet so soft. I felt her long nails pressing gently into my flesh. She shifted a little closer. "Me? Never." she grinned devilish and kissed my cheek. Her head had found my shoulder and rested there for a while. It was easy for me to ignore all these nasty ghosts and creatures on the screen as my eyes only rested on her body and her beautiful skin. I felt like an angel had come down to keep me company and had allowed me to move closer, to touch this angelic being. Another half hour had passed and Tifa had fallen asleep. I switched off the TV and ducked away under her, hoping not to wake her. She didn't. I brushed a few hair strands out of her face, afraid it would tickle her too much and she'd awake. I smiled to myself as I wrapped my arms around her fragile body and carried her to our, yes our bed. Gently I placed her down and covered her body. I lay down besides her, gazing upon her beautiful face some more before falling asleep myself.

Unfortunately I didn't know back then what tomorrow was going to bring…

----

Sorry for that late update. As always I hope that you'll like this chapter. 


	9. Perfectly, yet ruined

**Perfect. yet ruined**

_Chapter 7_

The next morning I woke up to a great day. I felt light and happy. Tifa was still sleeping, her hair all messy. What a beautiful sight.

I got up from the bed and went into the kitchen to prepare breakfast. I opened one of the top drawers and drew a knife to cut some cheese and ham. I couldn't help but remember how my mother often stood here, right were I was now, preparing breakfast or lunch or dinner for us.

As I was done with cutting, I put the knife away and went to get the mail. I was on my way there when I realized that we wouldn't get any. Nobody would write us as nobody knew we were here. And my mother was long dead already too. All I would probably find were bills. I didn't bother to turn around and go back into the kitchen anymore though and went to get them. I spread them across the kitchen table and continued to make breakfast. Some toast and milk and jam were still missing. As I had gotten the milk and jam from the fridge and turned around, I saw some letter that didn't really look like a bill. I put my things away and reached for that letter. Indeed it was no bill. It was a letter addressed to me and Tifa. It made me feel uneasy holding that in my hands. Should I wait for Tifa before I open it? I pondered on it for a few minutes and decided against waiting.

Reaching for the knife from before, I ripped it open. Seizing the letter my heartbeat stopped for a moment. The letter was from Tifa's ex-boyfriend. Thousands of thoughts rushed through my head. How did he find us? Is he on his way here? Did he just randomly guess that we might be hiding in my house? And if so, how did he get the information where I once lived?

I put the letter away and rubbed my face. Calm down, calm down, I told myself. Enough time to worry about that later.

I took a look at the letter again and started to read. Clutching the letter tighter and tighter with every word I read.

"Dear Cloud and Tifa,

So you managed to get her Cloud, I congratulate. But you cannot claim her, she's not your own. I believe Tifa is confused. Otherwise I couldn't explain myself why she has gone with you. I would not let a treasure as valuable as her escape like that. I will find you and will prove to you, that I am the man she truly loves. You – you are just some nice sidekick to waste time with. You'll see, there is something like justice.

Jason"

I put it back into its envelope and stored it in the back of the drawer. I didn't want to ruin the day, I didn't want yet another problem. Maybe this letter was fake; some kid wrote it and placed it in front of my door. I knew it was ridiculous to consider this letter to be fake, but all I wanted was a perfect day with Tifa. I wanted us to have one perfect day, the first of many that would follow.

I laid the table and got orange juice from the fridge. It was then, when I turned around, that a beautiful yet sleepy looking woman stood in the door: Tifa.

I walked up to her and kissed her on the cheek. "Good Morning." I said, smiling. Yes this was going to be our day.

---

Breakfast had been eaten and the fridge had gotten empty. "We've got to go do some errands." I had said and we set off for the mall.

I remember how often me and my mum came here, because they were supposed to have the best bread. We never had any other bread than the one from that mall, but I tasted really good nevertheless.

I couldn't believe I was not here with my mother but with my girlfriend. Holding hands we walked up to the main doors. It couldn't have felt any better. I felt lighter than ever and I knew that people would see me, not as the spoiled little brat, but as a man holding a beautiful lady's hand. The smile would never leave my face. Love was a damn good feeling.

Tifa had gone to get a cart and I was left waiting to get some bread. It had indeed changed here. The fat old lady who usually always gave me some slice of ham when we had been here in the morning wasn't there anymore. Instead was a most likely anorexic lady with extremely blonde hair.

"So, here it is." Tifa said, beaming. "Thanks, my dear." I retorted and kissed her forehead. We had moved on to get some milk products. The corridor was empty, as though something had happened. Taking the chance I wrapped my arm around Tifa's waist and pulled her a little close. "No people around, huh?" I chuckled in a seducing way. "Hey hey." she retorted, kissing me. But out of a kiss became more. Something had come over us and we started making out. I felt like a teenager again.

Suddenly I heard something. It sounded like a cart bumping into something. I withdrew from our passionate kiss and took a look around.

My heart almost stopped when I saw that familiar face. That man I hated. It could have been somebody looking like him, but having read that letter in the morning I was more than sure it had to be him. He was here to get her back, but he wasn't going to get her. Not as long as I was there.

"Tifa we have to go, quick!" I whistled and seized her arm. "Jason's here."

"What?" she looked puzzled. "Don't be ridiculous."

"Come on, let's pay for all that stuff and get going. I'll explain to you everything on our way home." My heart was racing; My day had been ruined.

---

She was a little angry that I had not told her about the letter, but she understood the reason why I didn't show her. "And what are we going to do now?" I asked having no idea.

"What about staying at a hotel?" She suggested. I nodded. "Sounds good to me. Let's move further up north, I'm sure we will fin some cheap place to stay at."

I got up from the couch and made my way into our sleeping room. It made my heart ache to pack all my stuff again and leave from this place. We could have lived here happily. In the dreams I treasured most we had two little kids, running around here. I'd grow old here, just like my parents. Guess this dream was not going to become real. Not in this life, but hopefully somewhere else.

"I am ready." Tifa said. I had been los tin thoughts, leaning onto the close the whole time. I hadn't packed a single thing yet. "Sorry, I'll be done in a few." I muttered.

---

We went for the train station, for we had to rent a car first to get anywhere. We couldn't rely on public transport alone. "Hey Cloud." Tifa said in a low voice. "Doesn't it feel like the beginning again?"

"The beginning?" I raised my eyebrow.

"Yes. When we first said we'd run away. We are on the run again. We can see lots of places. We are free, not bound to a single place." she beamed at me, smiling as great as ever.

Something about her words made my heart sank a little, but I agreed. "Yes, indeed. We are free."

I pulled her close once again and wrapped my arm around her as we waited for our train. Our luggage was standing in front of us. It was only me and Tifa and twp suitcases. We don't need a house to find happiness.

----

Sorry it took so long until I updated. I hope this chapter was worth it. ;)


End file.
